Episode 4/5: Acceptance Pt 1/2
So there are two ways I look at acceptance. The first way is when I want something to be accepted. Maybe I’m buying a house and want my offer to be accepted. Or maybe I made a mistake and want my wife to accept my apology. The second way I look at acceptance is the exact opposite of the first. Instead of offering something in hopes of it being accepted, I’m accepting or receiving something. Maybe I’m accepting a gift from a friend. Maybe I’m accepting something about myself.
When I was younger my desires to be accepted by others led me to do things I wasn’t comfortable with. I was fragile inside which left me vulnerable to outside influences. So, I engaged in dangerous activities; from joy riding in cars, to fighting, to trying to get as many girls as possible. I wanted to be seen as “that guy.” But inside it wasn’t me, so to manage my emotions I began to numb them with alcohol and the occasional drug. Eventually the numbing became too much and I had to accept what I had become in order to save my life.